The Grass Isn't Always Greener...

... on the other side of the valley. Some people may read the previous entry and think that I'm depressed or wallowing in self pity or being overly dramatic. That's okay. I'm here to tell you that I'm not. (Well, I have been known to indulge in drama every now and again, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm doing so now.)

What people sometimes fail to understand is that the grass isn't always greener during life's peaks. Sometimes, a valley is right on time. There are certain things I'm pretty sure you don't accomplish as completely during the peaks in your life. How challenging is it to summon a smile when you're at your best? How aware are you of the smallest blessings when everything is going well? How likely are you to appreciate the sunlight when you've never experienced the dark night? (Okay, so that was dramatic. But it worked. Quite well.)

I believe, as I wrote last time, that the valley is the place we end up when God really wants to talk to us, to work on and in our hearts at a time we're likely to be the most receptive. I firmly believe that He wants us to seek Him there, to realize He is everything we need, what we need to fill us. I don't know about anybody else, but when I feel like I'm getting everything I need from my husband or elsewhere in my life, I tend to let my relationship with God take a back seat. It's not that I don't need Him during those times, or that I forget about Him - I just start to believe the lie that another person (or things) can complete me, fulfill me, be my satisfaction. I forget that He blessed me with those people and things and that they are in my life for a season (however long that season is) while He is eternal, He loves me more than even my parents ever could, and He is what I truly need. Without Him, I would not be here and it is only without His love that I am worthless. Since His love is perfect, unfailing, unconditional and, yes, eternal, I am absolutely, unfailingly, unconditionally and (YES!) ETERNALLY precious. Period.

So, if the valley takes me to the place where I am reminded of how precious I am to my Creator, that He loves me more than any human being ever could and that in Him I have all that I will ever need, there are worse places I could be.

Notes from the Valley

Healing Day

Alive, the sky
with trails of light,
the air with morning dew,
erasing darkness
of the night
and memories of you.
And with each ray
of morning sun,
my broken heart will mend
until each memory,
each one,
becomes nothing again.
But if the rain
precedes the beams
of light that I await,
its healing drops
will blend with tears
that flow from the floodgates -
until there's nothing
left of pain
that's all that's left of you.
The new day heals,
with sun or rain,
as light reveals His truth.

I am in a valley. I have been in a valley for quite some time. And, to date, it has probably been the most painful time in my life. I'm not complaining, though (at least I'm trying not to). I think I have passed the "woe is me" stage (several times) and graduated to the "Lord, have Your way with me" stage (again, it comes and goes). This is the stage in which I realize that God uses the valleys to meet me, comfort me and talk with me when I'm most able to listen - when I feel alone and without hope, when I am quiet and the noise of my life is so far away that it can't get in the way. During this stage, God shows me - yet again - that He is always there, able to reach me even out in the wilderness. He uses the valleys to make me turn to Him so that He can show me that He is everything I need, that He is my ever-present help.

So, I remain in the valley - for now - while God has His way with me. I remain in the valley and treasure each and every realization He brings me (okay, so it's painful and I may not be as enthusiastic as I should be, but ...), along with each and every little bit He opens my eyes and my heart a little more.

I believe I am in this valley for specific reasons, some of which God has revealed to me. I am working on those things so that I can avoid revisiting this particular valley again in the future. I have a feeling, though, that I still need to do some time in this valley, so I am doing my best to be a faithful, attentive pupil and avoid having to learn these particular lessons again because, while I know there are far worse things in life, this place is not somewhere I want to be again.